The Hand Bag

The Hand Bag

One in every one of my seasonal rites is purchasing for a new purse.1 It’s a mystery to me why I must try this. You’d think a bag could live longer than a season.2 but this stuff gets a whole lot of put on and tear. Pen marks appear at the surface; unidentifiable lint accumulates at the lowest; once-sturdy straps fray after which unexpectedly snap, scattering unfastened alternate, Kleenex, tampons, and costly tablets for allergic reaction and anxiety in all directions.

The Hand Bag

Even the great purses don’t put on properly. I inherited two Coach Bags from my mom. Coach bags are speculated to be indestructible, and, it’s actual, they don’t disintegrate — they simply appearance an increasing number of lousy. One of the baggage’s my mom left me became in the beginning off-white however, with time, grew to become sickly beige. One day, I realized it had taken at the shade and texture of human skin. The other bag becomes black and really heavy — best for a funeral however now not tons else. Also, the little leather piece surrounding the buckle had started to curve like a potato chip. When I ultimately took both pieces of luggage to the consignment keep they have been growing to become down flat. I then donated them to a thrift shop where they continue to cling alas on a hook, undesirable at $3 every.

The very idea of my wanting a purse is complicated. How is it that men, of whom I am same in all different respects, seem to be properly served through their again pockets or (if they’re European) sleek little man purses? Why can’t I manipulate as nicely? All I have to bring is lipstick, eyeliner, pressed powder, reading glasses, sunglasses, small fragrance spray, sunscreen, Kleenex, small brush, tic tacos, chocolate bar, small sewing kit, liquid soap, wash-n-dry’s, cope with eBook, key chain (with 9 keys, three of which I haven't any concept what they open), and a pockets (containing price cards, checkbook, pictures of children, club cards, and cards which can be stamped for one cup of coffee at a shop I’ll never go to once more). When my youngsters have been small, I also carried crayons and coloring books, fruit snacks, and trade of underpants.

Every as soon as and awhile I move into the minimalist mode and try to streamline the contents of my handbag. No sooner do I do that, but, then I find out myself in desperate need of the liquid cleaning soap or knee highs that I jettisoned.

If one thinks anthropologically, handbags may be a vestigial expression of girls' biological choice to nest. We need to sense that every one the necessities of life are straight away inside reach — and those necessities have multiplied in variety as civilization has grown extra complex. By the equal token, the handbag may additionally simplest be a smart invention at the part of patriarchy to maintain women enslaved. The lifeless white male who invented it knew that it was an accessory that we wouldn’t be able to withstand.

Be that as it could, I admit to having a fetishistic love of handbags that would probably require years of psychoanalysis to be rid of. But given that I recognize plenty at the problem, I might as nicely share my expertise with every person interested:

1) A handbag shouldn’t be too huge. Most humans, barring the Amazonian stick insect, appearance ridiculous with very big handbags. Even a bag of the nice variety, if too huge, will make you appear like a bag girl seeking a street corner wherein to twist up for the night time.

2) It shouldn’t be too small. There’s nothing greater déclassé than a handbag that’s been overstuffed. It’s like a tight dress that suggests all of the bulges.

Three) It shouldn’t be too heavy. Given the shipment, one doesn’t need to turn the aspect right into a barbell or hasten the development of a dowager’s hump.

Four) It shouldn’t be too mild. That light-weight knitted baggage, when filled with the essential objects, will make you appear like Santa together with his bag of toys.

5) It has to be fairly stylish. A dowdy purse, like a horrific haircut, can add 10 years on your age.

6) It shouldn’t be too state-of-the-art. In my 20s I made the mistake of buying baggage that was “cute” — i.e. For a fleeting moment in time, they seemed cool, only to recede into looking stupid every week or two later. Anything constructed from blue jean cloth or with phrases written in French should be averted.

7) It shouldn’t be too pricey. A high-priced the bag is high-quality if you’re going to stay trustworthy to it for years. But maximum girls are like me — they crave change. Since it’s better to be fickle about purses than husbands, I advocate confining yourself to Marshall’s and the decreased bin at Lehmann’s.

8) It shouldn’t be too reasonably-priced. The faux-leather-based bag may additionally appearance top on the rack, but the stinky plastic odor and cussed refusal to wear out get to your nerves.

9) it should have as a minimum two compartments, for cell cellphone and analyzing glasses. This is a stipulation that wouldn’t have taken place to me a decade ago when I didn’t have a mobile smartphone and didn’t need analyzing glasses. Compartments are also the sort of simple improvements, like cup-holders in vehicles, that weren’t necessary until a person notion them up. A few weeks in the past, when I couldn’t sleep, I saw an infomercial for a pocketbook insert with cubicles for everything you may want. The concept becomes a very good one, but the actual object (which the infomercial promised would match into a handbag of any size) seemed doubtful. If readers have attempted this insert and can vouch for it, please electronic mail me.

One thing I’ve discovered in my lengthy career of shopping for purses is in no way to shop for one until I’ve examined it through moving the contents of my current purse into the projected one. I try this even though I ought to do it inside the center of the shop where all can see. As embarrassing as it may seem, it's far necessary. Be confident that the technique will draw an exquisite deal of sympathy from other consumers who will provide their opinion: “now not massive enough,” “terrible coloration,” “appears lumpy,” and many others. Take their recommendation. Or don’t. You’ll want to buy every other bag in a few months besides.
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